“It's cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

Interesting article about children and gender

A couple of Swedish parents have stirred up debate in the country by refusing to reveal whether their two-and-a-half-year-old child is a boy or a girl.

Pop’s parents [see footnote], both 24, made a decision when their baby was born to keep Pop’s sex a secret. Aside from a select few – those who have changed the child’s diaper – nobody knows Pop’s gender; if anyone enquires, Pop’s parents simply say they don’t disclose this information.

NY Times commentary


The reader comments are almost as interesting as the article itself:

Gender is not an “artificial construct.” It is biological fact. And just what exactly is wrong with boys wearing pants and girls wearing dresses? They’re just clothes. The gender of this Swedish kid will eventually manifest itself, naturally, whether its parents like it or not.

— Joe

If Pop is a girl she will probably become a militant Disney Princess.

— Wonks Anonymous

To me, this isn’t a case of allowing a child to freely think of themselves and live as another gender than he/she is, if that child desires to do so.

This is a case of adults, no doubt acting out of good will and love, who are purposely clouding the entire issue of gender to a degree that I find quite disconcerting.

Withholding information can be as cruel as misinformation, and good intentions can have a tendency to go very very wrong.

— KC

Everyone should just calm down. The child will eventually make a decision about which gender it identifies with and everything will be fine. No need for therapy, no need for panic.

But right now, when the child is young and most vulnerable to outside influences, the parents are trying to allow the most natural possible internal process of gender identification to occur. Soon, the child will be old enough to express this identification and can make choices about how to live its own life. I don’t think these parents are trying to stifle these choices. On the contrary, they’re encouraging self-identification and choice.

Chill out. He or she will be fine.

— L.Belaqua

Girl Sites

NYTimes Article about girls online

LAUREN RENNER, 16 On Agirlsworld.com, blogged about her daily life and worked on the site’s “My first prom” magic story that lets girls fill in blanks and make a tale about themselves.

MARTINA BUTLER, 17 Stars in her own indie music podcast on Emogirltalk.com. Last Sunday’s episode included music by Sequoyah Prep School and Death Cab for Cutie.

SARADA CLEARY, 14 On Agirlsworld.com helped create an online game for National Spay Day and contributes craft ideas like how to decorate jeans.

Interesting sections:

“Most guys don’t have patience for this kind of thing,” said Nicole Dominguez, 13, of Miramar, Fla., whose hobbies include designing free icons, layouts and “glitters” (shimmering animations) for the Web and MySpace pages of other teenagers. “It’s really hard.”

Nicole posts her graphics, as well as her own HTML and CSS computer coding pointers (she is self-taught), on the pink and violet Sodevious.net, a domain her mother bought for her in October.

“If you did a poll I think you’d find that boys rarely have sites,” she said. “It’s mostly girls.”

Indeed, a study published in December by the Pew Internet & American Life Project found that among Web users ages 12 to 17, significantly more girls than boys blog (35 percent of girls compared with 20 percent of boys) and create or work on their own Web pages (32 percent of girls compared with 22 percent of boys).

* * *

Explanations for the gender imbalance are nearly as wide-ranging as cybergirls themselves. The girls include bloggers who pontificate on timeless teenage matters such as “evil teachers” and being “grounded for life,” to would-be Martha Stewarts — entrepreneurs whose online pursuits generate more money than a summer’s worth of baby-sitting.

“I was the first teenage podcaster to receive a major sponsorship,” said Martina Butler, 17, of San Francisco, who for three years has been recording an indie music show, Emo Girl Talk, from her basement. Her first corporate sponsorship, from Nature’s Cure, an acne medication, was reported in 2005 in Brandweek, the marketing trade magazine.

Since then, more than half a dozen companies, including Go Daddy, the Internet domain and hosting provider, have paid to be mentioned in her podcasts, which are posted every Sunday on Emogirltalk.com.

“It’s really only getting bigger for me,” said Martina, an aspiring television and radio host who was tickled to learn about the Pew study.

“I’m not surprised because girls are very creative,” she said, “sometimes more creative than men. We’re spunky. And boys ... ” Her voice trailed off to laughter.

* * *

While creating content enables girls to experiment with how they want to present themselves to the world, they are obviously interested in maintaining and forging relationships.

When Lauren Renner, 16, was in fifth grade, she and a friend, Sarada Cleary, now 14, both of Oceanside, Calif., began writing about their lives on Agirlsworld.com, an interactive e-zine with articles written for and by girls.

“Girls from everywhere would read it and would ask questions about what they should do with a problem,” Lauren said. “I think girls like to help with other people’s problems or questions, kind of, like, motherly, to everybody.”

* * *

THE one area where boys surpass girls in creating Web content is posting videos. This is not because girls are not proficient users of the technology, Professor Palfrey said. He suggested, rather, that videos are often less about personal expression and more about impressing others. It’s an ideal way for members of a subculture — skateboarders, snowboarders — to demonstrate their athleticism, he said.

I grew into all the usual insecurities as a teenager, probably later than most. I don't remember too much anxiety about boys until high school, and "body issues" didn't hit full force until I was 16. That phase I remember well. I was unhappy, and since losing a little bit of weight felt good, losing more felt better. I hated that I was short and young-looking, somehow unable to form the discipline that I needed to do as well as I wanted in anything. I recovered, more or less, and was a normal weight by college but the need to eat compulsively - vegetarian, or super-healthy, or super-restricted - stayed with me for years.

I can point to two experiences that gradually brought me through this desperate preoccupation with nutrition, food, and weight and I will look at one of them today, saving the other for another week.

This past summer, at the old age of 22, I realized that I could call myself athletic for the first time in my life. In April I started playing ultimate frisbee with my boyfriend, his brothers, and a bunch of guys (some were definitely boys, still in high school). I was the only girl, and I loved it. I was pretty good, actually, because I developed focus and a laser-like forehand and I didn't tend to make wild plays, trying to show off. But of course being strong enough or big enough to compete physically was out of reach for me, so I decided to be one of the quickest, most fit players and I started running a couple miles at a time, a couple times a week.

Months later, I am happy to say, ultimate has ended but I run long and often, training for road races and watching myself turn into a different person. Yes, there are other factors - in many ways I can look at my life and say that because of work and luck I am exactly where I want to be. Still, I surprise myself when I notice that my legs are getting bigger, and then I notice that I don't care. My jeans are tight, but it's hard to feel anything other than pride when you've finished an 8-mile run, totaling twenty miles for the week, and have a half-marathon firmly in sight. I haven't found anything better than realizing that I can really work, stick with something that I'm not great at to begin with, and end up being pretty damn good.