I grew into all the usual insecurities as a teenager, probably later than most. I don't remember too much anxiety about boys until high school, and "body issues" didn't hit full force until I was 16. That phase I remember well. I was unhappy, and since losing a little bit of weight felt good, losing more felt better. I hated that I was short and young-looking, somehow unable to form the discipline that I needed to do as well as I wanted in anything. I recovered, more or less, and was a normal weight by college but the need to eat compulsively - vegetarian, or super-healthy, or super-restricted - stayed with me for years.

I can point to two experiences that gradually brought me through this desperate preoccupation with nutrition, food, and weight and I will look at one of them today, saving the other for another week.

This past summer, at the old age of 22, I realized that I could call myself athletic for the first time in my life. In April I started playing ultimate frisbee with my boyfriend, his brothers, and a bunch of guys (some were definitely boys, still in high school). I was the only girl, and I loved it. I was pretty good, actually, because I developed focus and a laser-like forehand and I didn't tend to make wild plays, trying to show off. But of course being strong enough or big enough to compete physically was out of reach for me, so I decided to be one of the quickest, most fit players and I started running a couple miles at a time, a couple times a week.

Months later, I am happy to say, ultimate has ended but I run long and often, training for road races and watching myself turn into a different person. Yes, there are other factors - in many ways I can look at my life and say that because of work and luck I am exactly where I want to be. Still, I surprise myself when I notice that my legs are getting bigger, and then I notice that I don't care. My jeans are tight, but it's hard to feel anything other than pride when you've finished an 8-mile run, totaling twenty miles for the week, and have a half-marathon firmly in sight. I haven't found anything better than realizing that I can really work, stick with something that I'm not great at to begin with, and end up being pretty damn good.