Clarity

This is the person that I was dating in January of 2005. I feel that a visual is important here.



Dear Bethany,
Very soon, things will start changing quickly. Pay attention to this:

• Be forgiving with yourself - yes, there is a lot that you don't know, but how could you know it? Experiences will only happen when you're not striving and convictions will only develop over time.
  
• Yet you know how little you know, and so it follows that, for now, you should hold loosely to your plans and even more loosely to your opinions.
  
• Relationships will never be all good or all bad, all loyalty or all disappointment, all enamored or all bored, all serious or all licentious. You have seen this! You know it's true! So don't expect it now, or ever; enjoy what there is to enjoy and then don't be surprised if it ends.
  
• It is not your fault if the excitement between you and another person cools. You can drive yourself crazy trying to know what to be that will make them want you, and nothing will work. Please know, it is not your fault.
  

I don't want to tell you to never again fall hard, head over heels, for someone. Really, there is nothing more fun. But look at Matt and be honest with yourself. What life do you want in the time ahead of you, and does he fit? It won't take you years to figure this out, just a good night's sleep (nothing less than 8 hours) and a half hour of solitude and thought sitting on a hill somewhere.

I'll tell you what's going to happen:

This relationship will end, raggedly. Now, don't panic! Here is my advice, and I hold to it: right now, make it your goal to enjoy what is good. Don't let any one piece be the center of your life, but use your friends, your work, and your goals to fill your time instead. Sleep enough, and think clearly.

And remember that soon you will be in the position to disappoint and betray.

That relationship will end, again, raggedly, and then another, and then another. Some won't matter, but some will hurt and continue to hurt. And THEN, you will know how to make decisions and you will be rewarded. Look forward to it.